This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
