Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
