my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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