he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
