I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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