I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
