I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
