pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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