your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
