You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize