i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
