did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
