You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
4 words: hood of his car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
