The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this just has baby written all over it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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