someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
