Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
