Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
