he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
