can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
