How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
