ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize