can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
