You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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