fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
