I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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