I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
