My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
