I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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