Fuck appropriateness.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
