She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
