The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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