gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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