I think i peed on brittanys purse
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I did not marry a roomba.
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