Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
