im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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