Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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