Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
