my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
