is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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