NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
