I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
