So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
