Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
