If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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