I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
