Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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