Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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