I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize