remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
