franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
