I cockslap morals
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
