How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
