i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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