The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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