we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
