Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
