The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
