She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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