before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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