True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
