Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
