Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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