Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
