There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
