Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
