Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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