I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want her autograph on my taint
ttyl tear gas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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