Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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