I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
