Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
