Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
