so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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