I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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