im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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