At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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