The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need a burrito and a hug.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
