I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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