OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
this is an emotional support booty call
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
