The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
