Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
