I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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