Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
