He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
