I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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