Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
