I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's paper in my vomit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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