My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
whose ass print is on the piano?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
