When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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