Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
