I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this just has baby written all over it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
