everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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