I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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