I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
