im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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