As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
