After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
