i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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