I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
