I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The adults are the big ones right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
