If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
