i need an iv and a liver transplant
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
