he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
