So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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