I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
