girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
