i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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